Unique

Everybody wants to be unique. They want to stand out amongst their peers and they want to dazzle everyone with their wit. They want to have their own unique “thing”. Wearing mismatched socks is her “thing”. Oh yeah, he always does that. It’s his “thing”. But in a world with millions of people, how can everybody stand out? We’re all different, but is there an element that somehow makes certain people shine brighter than others? How are some people always the center of attention, and others are always shying away in the corner, awaiting the day that they will get their turn as the star?

I think the answer is in how we view ourselves. I’ve developed my own theory about self image, although I only know from my own experience. I think a lot. When I am looking forward to something, I will plan out the conversation I am going to have. I build it up. Everything is planned. But how can I stick to that plan with all the spontaneous things that tend to happen in everyday life? You can’t.

I realized that the only time I really plan things out, is when I am going to be in a situation with people I don’t know very well. If I knew them, why would I even care? It’s more fun when you don’t know what is going to happen. But when I am with people I don’t know, I am extremely awkward. I used to never be awkward. I was the smiley, bubbly girl who could talk to anyone. But somewhere along the way, I started doubting myself. And that’s when I became awkward. Now when I am put into a difficult situation, I don’t always immediately try to work through it. First I spend a lot of time worrying. Worrying about the outcome, and worrying about what other people will think of me. Oh my God, I got yelled at in Religion class, he’s going to think I’m such an idiot now. But I know that if I were a bystander in that situation, I would not think that about the person in the predicament. I would feel bad for them because it is a situation that anyone could potentially be in. I’m always worrying about what other people will think. And I always think negative things about myself. But when I put myself into another position, the position of the one looking on, I realize I would never think those things. I don’t really know if this makes sense to anyone but me. But I realize that I must view myself as someone completely different from how others view me.

Another thing that inhibits my ability to communicate well with people my age is that I am a pretty good judge of character. I can tell almost right away when I meet someone what social group they’d be in. It’s really easy for me to talk to almost anyone. But if I know someone goes to parties a lot or is really superficial, it is really hard for me to talk to them. I don’t know why. I really prejudge people and I know it’s bad. I don’t know if I think they are superior to me or what, but there is something that I find so difficult to connect with. It’s like a piece of a puzzle that doesn’t quite fit the right way.

I really don’t know if this makes sense to anyone but me. I just ended up rambling on. But somehow I think this describes how people really stand out. I think the people who don’t really care what others think of them can be the most successful because they will spend less time worrying about the impression they are making and more time doing work and being productive so that that the impression is a lot better. My point is that I think people should stop spending time worrying about what others think, and do things for themselves. Maybe I am getting this all wrong, maybe stressing over others thoughts is important. But from my experience it’s best to do things because you want to do them. It does not matter what others are expecting. Do what you are doing for yourself.