Lenten Goals

There are three things I want to do for Lent. I know it doesn't start until Wednesday, but I just wanted to throw out my goals.
1. I'm giving up Diet Coke. And all pop for that matter, but I only drink Diet Coke anyway.
2. I am going to either run or bike at least two miles three times a week.
3. I am going to be more aware. Aware of what is going on in my life, in the lives of others, in the world. And I am going to go out of my way at least once each day to do something nice for someone else.

Love,
Grace

Forgiveness is beautiful

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
-Catherine Ponder

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”
-Robert Muller

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
-Mahatma Gandhi

“Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.”
-Sara Paddison

"I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one.”
-Henry Ward Beecher

I am a writer. And I'm back from Kairos. So what am I going to do now? I'm going to do some editing. I need to edit my life.

Kairos

So, tomorrow after school I will be leaving on Kairos, which is a Christian student-lead retreat. There is a lot of mystery behind this retreat... I don't know. My expectations aren't very high, I don't think this retreat will be as "life changing" as it is said to be, but I hope I am wrong. I'm extremely skeptical right now. The only reason I am remotely excited about this retreat is because I get to miss school on Friday. I'm really not in the mood for people to pretend that they're deep, say one thing on retreat, and then act another way once we get back to school. Oh well, we'll see. I have been wanting to go on this retreat since 7th grade when my cousin Kate went on and led Kairos. When I was looking for a high school, I made sure they had this retreat... So I know when I get back I won't be able to share any details-- you know, the naked midnight runs, the no showering for four days, the starvation, all the Kairos cult details-- but hopefully I will have something insightful to say. Pray for me.
Love,
Grace

"Halley's Comet"

"Halley's Comet"
Stanley Kunitz

Miss Murphy in first grade
wrote its name in chalk
across the board and told us
it was roaring down the stormtracks
of the Milky Way at frightful speed
and if it wandered off its course
and smashed into the earth
there'd be no school tomorrow.
A red-bearded preacher from the hills
with a wild look in his eyes
stood in the public square
at the playground's edge
proclaiming he was sent by God
to save every one of us,
even the little children.
"Repent, ye sinners!" he shouted,
waving his hand-lettered sign.
At supper I felt sad to think
that it was probably
the last meal I'd share
with my mother and my sisters;
but I felt excited too
and scarcely touched my plate.
So mother scolded me
and sent me early to my room.
The whole family's asleep
except for me. They never heard me steal
into the stairwell hall and climb
the ladder to the fresh night air.

Look for me, Father, on the roof
of the red brick building
at the foot of Green Street --
that's where we live, you know, on the top floor.
I'm the boy in the white flannel gown
sprawled on this coarse gravel bed
searching the starry sky,
waiting for the world to end.

I was at Marquette for a scholarship test on Saturday. I was testing for English, and I had to analyze this poem. After reading the poem, can anyone say what they think the deeper subject is? I think I answered it correctly on the test, but I want to hear other people's answers.

Love, grace

Apples, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie

If I had to say what comes to mind when I think of winter Sundays...

Mass at St. Mary's, breakfast at PJ Klem's, coming home, Dad making a fire and turning on the polka station, then reading the newspaper while the kids do their homework and Mom does whatever needs to be done.

Lately, I've been asking my dad to polka with me. I sometimes wish I had grown up in a more cultured environment. I wish I could speak Polish and knew more Polish traditions, but at least I know how to Polka.

This is my favorite polka... it's called Apples, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie. I can't find it by my favorite band... Eddie Blazonczyk and the Versatones, but here is the song. I remember on my 16th birthday, when all my friends were over, my dad blasted this song through the house when it was time to come up and have the brownie-cake my mom made for me (because I don't like real cake.) Haha, it was kind of embarrassing, but I'm glad that I have a favorite polka song. It makes me feel more Polish haha.

Jerusalem Cafe

I thought it was necessary to post these pictures from the Jerusalem Cafe side by side.

Love,

Grace

I ADORE my life

Hey, blogger family.
Well, for a few weeks, I had not been up to my usual standard. I was really confused by a lot of things and when one seemingly bad thing happened it just made everything else that I had been holding in-- all my insecurities, uncertainties about the future, and other problems I didn't want to have to deal with-- come out. It was a really weird feeling. It was like nothing was going to get better. I was really messed up. It was scaring my friends and it scared me. I would walk around in a daze and people would ask me what was wrong and I would tell them that nothing was wrong because I knew they didn't really want to know. It worried me because I didn't realize that I looked sad all the time. I mean, I know I wear my emotions on my shoulders, but I didn't know that I looked genuinely upset all the time. It's weird to know that my friends were really worried about me... sometimes things don't seem as real or as big a deal until you see other people's response to them. All I have to say is that when things go south, you find out who your real friends are. You find out who is going to stick with you when you stop acting like yourself and who is going to stand by you not matter what happens. I already knew my girls were there for me, but honestly, I was acting so terribly to them and to everyone else around me that I wouldn't have been surprised if they'd left. It scares me how mean of a person I was for those two weeks. It frightens me that I can let my problems get in the way of my relationships. I've learned from this experience and I hope I've learned how to better control my emotions and my actions.

Moving on to the present. I am filled with glee. I'm sincerely full of bliss. I adore my life, my friends, my family, my activities, my new haircut, my new exercise routine... Things haven't been this good for a long time. I'm liking myself again... I liked myself during the summer, but I stopped for a while... and now I like myself again. I mean, honestly I wouldn't be able to like my friends as much as I do if I didn't like myself.

One of the saddest parts of the last two weeks: my laugh sounded hollow. I forced myself to laugh and even when things were funny, my laugh sounded strangely sad, hollow. It really worried me. I missed my laugh. I missed myself. Yesterday was the first day that my laugh sounded normal again. It was a beautiful, precious sound. Today I went with Andrea and Veronica to see some of my friends in a one act play, and I laughed a lot. Haha, in fact, I was pretty much the main laugher... and it was genuine laughter. After the show the director said, "Thank God Hilary came." Haha, people kept commenting on my laugh. Then my friend Kevin said, "Hilary, you know how there's the phrase 'one man army'? Well, you're like a one woman audience." I didn't really know how to respond to that but he said that was a good thing =] All I know is that I'm extremely glad to be back where I used to be, hopefully more experienced and improved.

Have a wonderful Wednesday.
Love,
Hilary