Grace Again

So there are several reasons why I chose Grace as my pen name. Some are apparent from my other posts, although I don't remember if I ever directly stated them. One of them is because my friend Veronica sometimes reminds me, "You are Grace." As in Grace Adler from the television series, Will & Grace.

This year, I unexpectedly found my Will. There have been many wonderful times, as well as many emotionally exhausting times, in these few months since we entered each other's lives. I will start from the beginning.

I wanted to be in Choir Freshman Year, but my mom made me do Orchestra. Okay. Last year I tried to do Acting, but it didn't fit. This year, I was finally able to do Choir. I was excited, but also a bit nervous. I'm really glad I ended up doing it though, because some of my best friends are in that class.

We had three accompanists for our choir. One of them was Will. (Well, his name will remain Will for now, at least, although his real name is one of my favorites. =]) Everybody loves Will. Will was the quiet, nerdy cute (Will, forgive me for using that term) boy who was amazing at piano and everything else he did.

I had the tiniest crush on Will on and off throughout the year, but I never really talked to him so it didn't count. It was a "Hi, you're adorable, I love you," crush. No deeper than that.

But Will was a nice guy. And Turnabout was coming up in February. Too bad my friend asked him before I could. Ahh, Junior Prom was coming up in April. That would be my chance.

My mom knew I wanted to ask Will to J.P. She told me she wouldn't buy me a dress until I had asked him! And, of all things, she gave me a deadline! Lord, I must have been one of the first 5 people to get a Prom date.

I spent all President's Day preparing. His favorite composer is George Gershwin. I made him a CD with Gershwin songs from a show that I had been in. Then I made a puzzle that he had to solve, using the Playlist. The puzzle spelled out "JUNIOR PROM?" I stained the paper in coffee and heated it in the oven, and used calligraphy pens to write on it. Then I burned the edges. My room smelled like smoke for days after, because of course, being me, I would burn paper in my tiny room.

I gave an envelope to him on February 29th, Sadie Hawkin's Day. The envelope contained all the clues and the CD. The 29th was a Friday. I went to see "Penelope" at the movies for my friend Andrea's birthday that day after school, and my friend Julija had to take my phone away from it because I kept checking it to see if he had called.

Sunday was the Junior Ring Mass. Andrea called me in the morning and told me that Will had written on her Facebook and said something along the lines of "hey can you tell grace that i solved her puzzle, but i don't want to call her yet. tell her i have a surprise for her for the next time i see her." OMG I was so excited.

At the Mass, I was singing a verse of the Psalm and Will of course was playing the keyboard. I didn't talk to him at all. I was so nervous. After Mass Veronica and I went to get our rings. After I got mine, I saw Will was waiting to talk to me. "Veronica," I said, "Do I have to go talk to him?" "Well," she said, "he's waiting to talk to you so I'd say yes."

I walked over to him and he told me that he'd solved my puzzle. He gave me a manila folder and told me the inside it was the answer. He'd tried to bring it to my house but he'd gotten lost. It was so adorable.

Ronica and I rushed into the bathroom and opened the envelope. Wow. He made a puzzle for me too! I didn't even try to solve it, I just guessed words to fit into the spaces. I figured it out before I even looked at the puzzle. "I WOULD LOVE TO!" was the answer. I was so excited. That was probably the happiest day of my life. I felt so special and so lucky. And I was. Just in a different way than I'd thought.

Will and I went Salsa Dancing a few weeks later, the last day before Spring Break. We were really awkward. We didn't talk much. I'd tried talking to him before class began every day, but we remained as awkward as ever.

At the end of the night, Will dropped me off. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope and told me to read it when I had time. I said thank you, I had fun, and I left.

Of course I opened that envelope immediately when I got out of sight. I knew it was something serious before I even read the first words. Basically, it was good news. But it was also difficult news. Will is gay.

Well, I immediately called him and told him that I was proud of him for telling me. I was the second person he'd told. I don't know why it was me, this girl who hardly knew him, but it was.

I walked into the house and things got harder. My mom refused to believe that I hadn't been on a date. It was really awkward and I went straight up to my room. I couldn't call anyone from school to talk about it because no one knew. I called everyone I knew outside of school but no one could talk. That night I cried, I laughed, and I basically had an emotional breakdown. It was so wonderful that he had come out. I'd always wanted a gay friend. But, I just wasn't expecting this one.

Will and I went to Junior Prom together, and we put our mad salsa skills to good use. We had an amazing time. It was one of the best times of my life. I got to spend it with my gay best friend. My beautiful gay best friend.

Since then, Will has come out to his family and most of our friends. The first few times, I was with him when he told people. I'm still so proud of him, and I love him so much.

There have been problems within our friendship though. We fight a lot. Basically, it's my fault. We both forget sometimes how hard this is on one another, but until recently, we've both been extremely open about how we feel about things.

It's weird. I don't get jealous of the guys he likes. I get jealous of the girls that he talks to when he isn't talking to me.

We sing a song together. It's our song. And it's beautiful. We haven't done it in a while. I actually haven't seen him in over two weeks. Things have been rocky lately. But I just hope he knows that I do love him, even if my words sometimes don't show that. That's one of the things I pray for every night, actually. "Dear God, please let Will know that I love him. Please let him feel it right now." I don't know if it works, but I like to think and hope that it does.

Well, that's just a little bit about what has been going on in my life for the past few months. Please pray for Will and me. So that we may do God's will and receive God's grace.


GLINDA
I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who
help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let
them and we help them in return now I don't know if I believe that that is true but I know I'm who I am today because I knew
you... like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun, like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood...
who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good

ELPHABA

It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime so let me say before we part: so much of me is what I have
learned from you you'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart now whatever way our stories may end I know you have
rewritten mine by being my friend... Like a ship blown from it's mooring by a wind off the sea like a seed dropped by a
skybird in a distant wood who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you... I have been changed for
good


xoxoGrace