St. Valentine's Day

I'm going to be out of town on Valentine's Day. St. Valentine's Day.

It wouldn't matter to me, except that I'm not going to see my Valentine for only the 2nd time in the 19 Valentine's Days I have had in my life. February 14, 2008 will be 8 YEARS that my mom is cancer free! {& 8 is my family's lucky number because Mom, Tom, and I were born on the eighth of our respective months.}

It was the end of January. A Sunday after Church. Mom and Dad called Tom and me into the living room. I racked my brain for something that I had done that would have gotten me into trouble... I always do that when a serious conversation comes about. But I hadn't done anything wrong. My mom had cancer. Breast Cancer. I was in 4th grade. And by the time I was in fifth grade I knew more about chemo and radiation than any eleven year old should know. Now, I have stories to tell about my experiences that I will eventually expand on, but the one story I remember the most vividly is this:

My Uncle Dan was taking care of Tom, Chris, and me. Our relatives and friends all helped out whenever my parents needed it. It was June 8th, my mom's birthday [my half birthday as I continuously reminded my mom when I was little.] My mom was having a treatment of chemo. It was a Friday. My mom had her chemo on Thursdays as I recall, but this week it had to be changed. Tommy, Chris, and I were sitting outside of Stella's batting cages, licking our soft serve ice cream that the setting sun was quickly melting. My uncle Dan looked at the sun and said, "The sun always shines on your mom's birthday."

So on February 14, 2001 my mom was having surgery to remove the cancer. She left us notes and candy at our spots at the kitchen table. On February 14, 2009, I will be on Kairos and my mom will be at home. She will be 8 years of Cancer Free. She is my Valentine, now and forever. I love you, Mom.

H.A.M. (pronounced ham)

Well, here is a clue as to what my real name is. H.A.M. = H., Amy, and Michaele(thegirl.) It started out as a day out and turned into an adventurous day out. Cute tidbits about Amy: she ordered a cheese and fig sandwich today at cosi [it was nasty hahahah] and she uses adjectives without nouns... example: What a lame. She's a beautiful. It's a little. Tidbit about Mike: She's named after her mom who was named after the archangel and she wears fake glasses that her friend Brit got her for Christmas. I would just like to inform the world that H.A.M. is the greatest thing since butt rollers.

Love, Grace

My friends are my best accessories...

These girls. Julija, Veronica, and Andrea

These girls are my best friends.
They make fun of me all the time, whether it's about my laugh or my cluelessness or my procrastinating on my finite homework and turning it in two days late when we had all semester to do it... or even the fact that I'm a blogger. Haha, I'm a blogger. HELLO, WORLD! We have our "special places," inside jokes... bitchYYY, butt rollers... like heelys for your pants!, in my life... we burst out into song at random moments and will walk down the hall way singing anything from backstreet boys to phantom of the opera. We spend hours in Jimmy John's and Massa, laughing so loud that it's actually surprising that we don't get kicked out... We're complete idiots but we're actually really intelligent... Absentminded professors? We are dedicated to each other and to our activities and once we commit to something we don't back out. We are people of our word.

I think the best thing about my friends, though, is that even when they are trying to cheer me up, they still make fun of me. The don't just act all sympathetic and not really give a shit... they genuinely care about me... and they know that I love them so much that it helps that they make fun of me. I love my friends. I truly do. I love my friends. They tell me when I'm overreacting, when I'm wrong about people, when I'm right about people, when I'm being a little too crazy. I think the way you really know when you love someone is when you know that you can yell at each other and make fun of each other and go crazy on each other, but at the end of the day, everything is going to be fine. Seriously, I call Andrea "Mom" and she responds to me. We are family. The only other people that I know I can yell at and get away with it are my mom, dad, Tom, and Chris. So I have told guys that I love them, yeah, and it has always been a lie. And I have told other friends of mine that I love them, and well, I love them, but I don't love them unconditionally. Like really, I screamed at Julija in front of the entire choir and we're still friends. And I call Ronica all the time and make fun of her for her height and tease her nonstop, and she even wrote a blog about me. I completely flipped out at Andrea and, well, she let's me refer to her as Mom. I've got some kickass friends.

So, today, I wore my accessories that make me who I am. I wore my earrings and necklace that my aunt Kathy gave me before she passed away when I was in 8th grade, and I wore my friend Amy's tank top, and I wore the matching underwear that I got when I was with Amy and Michaele(thegirl) and I wore the Claudaugh ring that belonged to my grandmother... I had the people I love with me today. My best accessories today though, were those beauties up there... Andrea, Ronica, and Julija up there. They've got my back and I've got theirs. And, yeah, it took me two years to find my friends, but it was worth it, because the happiness I have experienced with them in the past year and half has outweighed by far the struggle I had during the first to years of high school. So here's to the girls, not aphrodite and persephone ( ) but my girls, Mom, Bee, and Julija. It's cliche, but I would fall up staircases without having anyone to laugh at me without you.

Love,
Grace

P.S. Friends are like bras: close to the heart and always there for support.
P.P.S. I would rather have you guys than wear a bra. =]

From Write on Wednesday

What’s your favourite genre of writing? Creative Nonfiction
How often do you get writer’s block? Whenever I have an assignment due =]
How do you fix it? I just write anything I can think of, try to get into a good mood so that I can get my creative juices going
Do you type or write by hand? I type because my handwriting changes every two seconds and I can't stand it...
Do you save everything you write? No, I should, but some of it is soooo bad
Do you ever go back to an old idea long after you abandoned it? Yessir =]
Do you have a constructive critic? Not officially, but my Creative Writing teacher and my friends give me good feedback
Did you ever write a novel? haha, it's only one of my greatest aspirations
What genre would you love to write but haven’t? I would love to BE GOOD at writing ficion
What’s one genre you have never written, and probably never will? I hate poetry. I've written it, but I hate it. Ugh Poetry. Die.
How many writing projects are you working on right now? Currently I'm being extremely lazyy... I have a lot of unfinished projects
Do you write for a living? Do you want to? I do not write for a living but someday I hope to
Have you ever written something for a magazine or newspaper? I've submitted something... it was a really poorly written piece with a very poorly chosen subject
Have you ever won an award for your writing? no
What are your five favourite words? precious... oh man, i can't think right now...
Do you ever write based on your dreams? No
Do you favour happy endings, sad endings, or cliff-hangers? Mmm... not cliffhangers... I try to change it up between happy and sad endings... not everything is happy in life, but not everything is completely depressing
Have you ever written based on an artwork you’ve seen? No

Answering a question...

Last week, I was talking to my friend’s cousin. And he asked me why I act. Why do I act? I guess I could make it sound important, like I feel it’s my calling or whatever, but really I act because of the high I get at the end of the show, the desire to feel like I’ve accomplished something, and a terrible need to be loved. People clapping, the attention on you, singing your heart out, perfecting what seemed impossible… I know that during the rehearsal process I can act like a total bitch [again, I’m sorry for the language] but at the end, the struggle was worth it. You can’t appreciate something unless you know what its opposite is. The frustration is all worth it when you walk onstage for the first time and feel the warmth, maybe the wonder or skepticism of the audience. If you know the people are expecting a stellar presentation, than you give it to them, and if they are looking forward to a disaster onstage, you disappoint them with the best performance you’ve ever given. Because in the end, it isn’t really about the audience. Not for me anyway. I don’t act out of the goodness of my heart or because of the joy I get from knowing that I entertained someone for the evening. I have other ways of brightening people’s lives. I act out of complete selfishness. I act for myself, because the audience brings me joy. They help me perform to my best ability. They make me feel like I’m worth it.

The acting high? Very similar to the running high. I only get it after musicals though, not straight plays. I feel infinite. I can keep going forever, because the energy of the cast, the enthusiasm of the audience… it can keep me alive longer than imaginable. After the opening performance of Kiss Me, Kate, I was a little, well more than a little, unsettled to hear that someone in the audience had referred to me as a “f---ing slut.” But you know what? That was exactly what I was supposed to be. I am not a slut in any meaning of the word, but Lois Lane? Yeah, she’s as slutty as they come. So every night, I tried to become Lois more and more. I was actually thinking about it earlier today, and I wish I could have had more time to find my character. I really can never find my character until I have a costume. A men’s pajama shirt and three inch heels? I can find Lois for you. A blue jumper and a white ribbon? Belle can be found there somewhere. I can do it. I promise you. It takes some time and direction, but I am an actress. And the feeling of knowing that I’ve accomplished it, that people enjoyed watching me, and that at least the character I played is worth watching even if my day-to-day self isn’t… that’s what keeps me going. It’s weird, but sometimes when I’m onstage, playing someone completely different from myself, I’m more myself than I am on a daily basis. Because I’m doing what I love. So Pat, that’s why I act.

Love,
Grace

I sometimes have a hard time watching movies... well, I just get distracted very easily from anything I'm doing. So the first time I saw Rent, I was less than thrilled with it. I just rewatched it last night. Wow.

There's only us. There's
only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.

I find this trailer so moving.

Resolutions...

New year's resolutions? Ehh, not really, just a bunch of things that I've been wanting to do. I don't know if I can accomplish them all in one year... I just want to do them... at some point... maybe soon. Whenver I decide to take on one thing I always think I can do better. And I can do better... somewhere along the way I just lost the willpower. So here's to 2009 and all the good and bad it will bring. Here's to the new people I will meet, and the old people I can continue to cherish.

· Write more letters
· Be trustworthy
· Be honest
· Don’t be afraid to say what I think
· Show people when I love them
· Forgive.
· Practice for voice lessons
· Learn piano
· Start running again.
· Lose the 23 pounds I gained in 2008
· Find time for myself. For reading. For writing. For taking bubble baths and pampering myself.
· Find who I am and what I believe.
· Find the line between having fun and being obnoxious.
· Not to be a bitch. [Sorry for the language.]
· Be healthy.
· Save money.
· Stop swearing.
· Be confident.
· Get organized.
· Stop being scared.
· See the movies I’ve wanted to see.
· Get off the damn computer.
· Start walking.
· Go on the swings at the park once a week.
· Catch up with people.
· Make friends at college.
· Make this summer count.
· Get scholarships.
· Find somewhere I love to work.
· Take yoga classes
· Stop being lazy.
· Take up photography.
· Learn to sew.
· Find who I can trust.
· Make communication more personal.
· Find a new subject to study.
· Learn to dance.
· Eat what I want. But don’t overeat.
· Learn how to cook something other than pasta, eggs, and French toast =]
· Do what I want. No regrets.
Love,
Grace